The Secret Life of Elle

The Preperation

2010-12-01T22:03:00.005-08:00

I needed to get laid. I showered and shaved and blew dry my hair into shimmering perfection. I laid the candles carefully along the edge of the dresser, lighting them from left to right. I got down on my knees next to the bed and pulled out the train case we use to store all our toys from prying eyes. I laid out the handcuffs and rope, the flogger and the paddle. My favorite glass dildo and lube. I added a blindfold and nipple clamps. Plenty on combination for him to choose from. I was hoping he would pick the flogger and I considered leaving the paddle tucked away since I hate how much it hurts and after so long my pain tolerance would be low.

I then moved the tray to a convenient location near the bed which I spent time making into a smooth inviting surface. I into a silky white slip and tied a short slinky black robe over it. I checked out the room with a considering eye seeing if I had forgotten anything. The chain of the nipple clamps was glittering in the dancing candle light. I decided it would be the perfect addition to my outfit.

I slipped the straps of my evenings attire down so my breasts were exposed to the cool air flowing around the room, the first snow of the year had started out side hours ago and added a delicious chill to the air, I licked my pointer finger and brought it down to my right nipple spreading the moisture around the pink tip watching it harden and take n a deeper hue as the blood rushed to it. I could feel the lips of my pussy swelling and juices starting to flow freely. I have very sensitive nipples. I moved to my other nipple rolling it between my fingers pulling it from my body and watching it settle back into place. One nice thing about small breasts is they are nice and perky with no support.

I pinched the nipple clamp open position it over my nipple letting the tension slowly squeeze my flesh. I have to adjust it a few times to find the perfect place between the pain and the pleasure, hot burn that leaves me uncertain if I want them taken off or tightened. We haven’t played with the clamps much before and I was delighted to find how turned on the site of them abusing my nipples was, the chain glittering and swaying with every breath I took. I carefully wrapped myself back up leaving the chain peeking out of my cleavage.

I took a deep breath and left the sanctuary I had created in our bedroom for the noise of the computer and radio and dog chewing on her bone. He was sitting at the computer messing with Facebook.

“Hey Babe, you busy?” I asked Quinn.

He responded ”Not really why?” without turning to look at me. Suddenly I go from vixen to shy in a heartbeat, feeling silly for setting everything up. What if he wasn’t in the mood?

“No reason” I respond standing behind him. He swiveled around in his chair. “Wow you look really pretty, he smiles and stands up to hug me pulling my body to him. I gasp when my sensitized nipples hit his chest and wonder if he can feel the clamps smashed between us. He doesn’t comment on it so I don’t think he could. “I was thinking we could go in the bedroom…” I trail off as his hands wander over my ass.

Quinn grins at me “That sounds great.” We walk into the bedroom and he sees what I have done to the room. “I like the candles,” and then the tray of toys catches his eye “and you laid toys out too huh? His eyes come back to rest on me. “not all of them…” as I twirl the nipple chain between my fingers.

(To be continued)

Vampires

2010-11-29T18:58:00.001-08:00

If I could go on a date a vampire. I totally would. There is something disturbing and dangerous and erotic at the thought. For Halloween I dressed up as Sookie Stackhouse from True Blood. I wore the waitress outfit, complete with black sneakers and apron. Quinn dressed up as a Vampire. Yep that’s right he indulged me in a cute couples costume. We bought tickets to an open bar party and got really drunk came home and passed out.

I became completely enamored in how convenient having an apron with pockets was. I think I may have decided I was going to wear one all the time in my drunken state. oh the things we do drunk.

It turns out being bit by fake vampire fangs hurts. And leaves marks. It was all part of the fun, I didn’t mind. It was all part of my date with a vampire :)

We Do it All for the Nookie

2010-11-28T16:37:00.002-08:00

Elle you’ve left us! Where are you?
Elle, Wheres my dirty pictures?
Elle, you must have gotten Fat.

Hello Again. I know this is the land of neglect for the past few of years. Turns out I am a bad blogger during a relationship. Yep that right Elle’s got some steady nookie (more on that later). Nearly 3 years now, it’s pretty serious I quit my job and moved across the country for him. We experimented a lot in the bedroom. We learned what worked for each we got pretty good at getting each other off. I still really like getting off. I was so busy enjoying and acting on the sexy thoughts, there was no time for blogging.

Me and Quinn decided it was time to take the relationship to the next level. We got a dog. A 17 pound adorable fur ball. Now she is a 95 lb Energetic destroyer of shoes, and Calvin Klein underwear. She can sniff out the expensive ones at 10 paces. Seriously, I have cried over the destruction of underwear, how pathetic is that?
Turns out Puppies are bad for your sex life. As in they kill it. Dead. You don’t even have it enough for it to be part of your life. It’s like a sexcation.

So my steady nookie, is not nookie at all. It’s like having a steady bed warmer. Which is nice, but its not nookie. Life just gets in the way. I get the death flu, he hurts his back, and the dog gets a urinary tract infection. You don’t ever want a dog with a UTI, mine has had three in 7 months. Poor her and poor us. Adding to the dilemma is me and Quinn, don’t actually spend much time in bed together. I go to sleep around 11pm and get up at 6am. He goes to sleep around 2am and gets up at 9am. I think he should come to bed earlier and not play computer games all night. He think I should stay up later. This leads to us lovingly bickering and never having sex.

When the sexy inspiration hits I still plan to write stories, and when I actually ever have sex worth writing about again, I will write the real stuff to. There may even be more pictures. And when there’s no sex and I just feel like writing about everyday stuff, I am going to write that as well. If you don’t want to read about not sex, you don’t have to.

In honor of me declaring this blog more of a living my life blog and not a sex blog (since I’m not having it, do I seem bitter?) I revamped my page and made it purple! Which is my favorite.

Welcome to the new and not so secret life of Elle.

Drip Drip Drip

2010-04-07T05:15:00.000-07:00

I remember the first time me and Quinn played with hot wax. I love candles and we have them all over the house, although I don’t burn them to often because I can’t trust my kitties to keep their tails of out them. He had laid a towel on the bed and told me to lay down on my stomach on top of it and then he started rubbing my back and I was just in heaven clueless of what was happening. I had done it before with other people and he knew this and knew I liked it. But really I was clueless. One minute his hands we on my skin and the next there was trail of wax running along my spine hot fire spilling over my skin so fast. And my body tensed and I probably yelped and then I melted into the bed. Because it pretty much felt like an orgasm. Every nerve ending in my body tensed at the same moment and then it was gone. He then would drop single drips of wax in random spots I never knew where the next one was coming and there would be a pause and another stripe of wax. Another moment of orgasmic tension and then I would melt into the bed all over again. When he tired of putting me through this up and down roller coaster, he rubbed his hands all over my back using his nails to scrape the dried hard designs of my back. It was lovely. I really enjoyed it and the designs it left on my back were really cool. The faded rather quickly. I do remember thinking with my skin so sensitive and nerve ending all awake, having the cold metal of a knife scrape the hardened wax off would be a huge mind fuck. I did keep hose thoughts to myself though. Well until now I guess 

What Works

2010-04-05T09:17:00.002-07:00

Sometimes my fantasy's are farfetched. Sometimes I would never actually want them to come true. And others still I hope to experience one day. Sometimes a play one fantasy out over and over. Other times I sift through my archive in my of what excites me and find the perfect one for that moment. Recently Quinn threatened to tie me up and tie the magic wand on to me and use it til he decided I had enough. Now this thought excites me. But I worry it would be a little to much sensation. That one it would hurt in a bad way or possibly worse that it would make me numb. No one wants a numb clit. But I know if we tried and it started to turn bad we would switch to some different activity. I can have a lot of orgasms very close together. But I generally will move the vibrations away from my pink bits for a little while. Sometimes seconds sometimes minutes. I always give myself that time to breathe and let my body recover. If only momentarily. So it excites me to see what would happen it excites me to give control of that choice to stop or continue over to him. It makes me a little nervous but that is exciting in its own way. But as this is exciting I do fantasize about it. But in my fantasy I am not tied up. I am laying on our bed face down the wand pressed between my legs and the bed vibrating against my pussy. He is laying on top of me trapping me with his body. Wear moth naked so I can feel he hardness pressing into me. I imagine his hand moving feeling my sides. Tickling me lightly while I try to get away. But not to much because I hate it after about 3 seconds. I imagine his hands pinning my wrists down. His hands tangling in my hair pulling my head back, his teeth nibbling into my ear as the sensations wracking my body unable to get away from him or the vibrations til he let's me. It sounds delicious and the thought can certainly make me cum. It did a great job of it last night.

Misunderstandings

2010-04-05T05:18:00.001-07:00

I crawl in bed and Quinn is still wondering around the apartment doing something. I call out “You coming to bed soon?” He responds “yeah, I’ll be there in just a minute.” I get settled and start thinking about orgasms and my magic wand which is laying on the floor by the bed from recent use. I eventually decide I should at least invite him to join in and settle in to bed to wait for him and see if he’s feeling frisky. After a moment I hear... “thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack” a pause “thwack, thwack” another moment and… “thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack” What the hell is that? I get out of bed and go to the door in the hallway listening, it happens a few times more. I can see from the light he is sitting at the computer desk. And the only thing I can think of to explain this really weird noise is… “Is he jerking off?” He has a Prince Albert piercing, and sometimes when jerking off or getting a handjob, it will make this funky noise. Did he get on the computer and start watching porn? Or maybe chatting with someone on the internet? Or maybe watching “Undercover Boss” got him really turned on and he didn’t want to tell me? Generally the show is not arousing but I slept through the last half so how am I to say what happened. I go back into the bedroom trying to decide If I should interrupt him? I crawl back into bed. “thwack, thwack, thwack” Enough is enough. I pick up my phone and text message him “It sounds like your jacking off. Are you?” I hear a chuckle from the other room and then Quinn is next to the bed with a big grin and a look in his eyes like I really am a blond. “No,“ he laughs “the cat is scratching the hell out of the litter box.” Opps. I laugh, “Ohh, sorry” Quinn asks “You really thought I was jacking off? Why didn’t you come and look for yourself?” I respond “Well, I didn’t want to interrupt if it was good” he rolled his eyes and returned to the living room to plant crops in Farmville. Terribly naughty, I know.

Guess I just thought he had sex on the brain too. Turns out I was wrong :)

Adventures in Sexting

2010-04-03T09:57:00.002-07:00

I woke up needing cock. My body hot and aching and wet and swollen. It must have been some dream I was having, although for the life of me I can’t remember it. Unfortunately, I woke up alone. My guy and me live together these days, but he was on vacation seeing his family. And I was left working. It takes me awhile to cum in the mornings. Like all my nerves are still asleep and don’t want to commit to anything as strenuous as an orgasm. Since it was a Friday, I had to go to work. I I got dressed deciding to for go panties and wear a skirt. It would be fun to tell him that little fact later. I looked good. I felt good and sexy. Forgoing the panties does that I guess.

I get to work get everything started and start text messaging him. I tell him I’m not wearing panties. He responds with a text smile. I tell him I’m wearing a skirt. Then I get a naughty girl. I don’t paint my nails to often but that morning I had. A shiny glossy red. I take a pic message of my hand and pretty nails and tell him I wish it were wrapped around his cock. I continue to text him all the things I want to do to him with my hands. I love his skin, it’s so soft and responds to nails and teeth beautifully. I like using my nails and teeth. A lot. Might be why he likes using the rope a lot. I tell him I need a spanking. He tells me he plans to mark me up good when he gets home. I get wetter, sitting at my desk with my pussy throbbing taking work calls, talking to people, making reservations, walking around. Contemplating if I can smell myself. I can feel it, the slickness on my thighs. Which turns me on more, keeping me in this constant state of arousal. After work a bunch of my co-workers invite me to happy hour so I go. I keep my phone out send him occasional messages, getting bolder as I imbibe more and more. I head home around 8 contemplating if people were so into me today because my sexy feelings were coming out as confidence or a swish in my hips. It was a great day. And this cute girl at work told me like 4 times how good I looked, we were at a bar near my apt. which is a beautiful high rise with a view. I told her she could come over after work sometime and check it out. I hope she does. I need more friends. And she’s a cutie.

I get home and message him again that I’m home and need food then play. He laughs at me. I eat chicken strips and surf facebook. Then I go into our room and get naked. I lay down on the bed and get my favorite glass dildo and vibrator. I take a picture of my hand wrapped around the smooth cold glass. I send it saying that as he reads it I will be pumping it in and out of me. I hit send and slide it in my pussy which needs no encourage meant or additional lube. I love the weight of it and how its cool and heats up inside of me. I love how smooth it feels and all the little bumps and ridges. I love the curve of it and how it can find my G-spot. He doesn’t respond for a few minutes as I play with it inside me, pulling it out and letting it cool and pushing it back in me. Using my muscles to hold it in or push it out. I pick of my camera and take another shot. And take another shot. I want him to know exactly what I’m doing and wish he were there. I discard my phone and get to business. Cold hard glass buried in my cunt, vibrator making little circle over my clit, it doesn’t take me long, having been excited all day long. My teasing him was teasing me just as much. I came hard moaning loudly. I never used to be loud. But it kind of turns me on the sounds that come out of me. I love the sounds he makes. I find all of the gasps and moans the sounds of the vibrator and slippery sounds to be exciting.

He told me he wished he were there, I took a picture of me licking the juices off of my glass dildo as a response. He asked if I was satisfied. I wasn’t I won’t be til he comes home and does it right. But that didn’t stop me from going another two rounds. It was the first time I ever sent him naughty pic’s with my phone. Spent the whole day making him want me with my words. I liked it.

Pussy Bling

2010-01-05T18:54:00.002-08:00

This story started probably 9 months ago on a rainy night when my man was out of town and I was left up to my own devices. I ended up in a tattoo shop getting my hood pierced. If you don’t know what that is learn some anatomy and Google it. The story of the getting the piercing is a tale of its own so suffice to say I did. After the needles and the putting it in, He showed me in a mirror my new jewelry adorned vagina and I thought, huh, that looks cool, wish it sparkled. Thus my desire for Pussy Bling. I was thinking diamond in my imaginations of my sparkling pink bits. But I’m broke and if I’m going to get a real diamond its probably going to be a necklace or a ring because I can only afford one and I want to show that puppy off. My vagina doesn’t really have a revolving door of guests. But the mental image was sparkly white.

So piercings take time to heal and a few months turned into nine months and I never bought new jewelry. I still think Pussy Bling would be awesome, but it’s an expense I don’t really need. Fast forward to my evening shower tonight. I have Sara Bareilles on my Ipod and am shaving my legs. Ding. Ding Ding Ding. I look down and there is the bar of my hood piercing. And one ball.

In my head I go damn it! I look around it’s pretty easy to see the missing ball is not getting clean with me. I wonder how long it takes to close. I pick it up and put the bar on the side of the tub and finish shaving. Rinse off real quick and go to shake out my panties. It must be there? No. No missing ball in my panties. I look on the floor losing hope of ever finding my silver ball. And then I go on a hunt for replacement jewelry me and my guy probably have had 15 piercings at one time or another. I need the right gauge and I need it to close, or I need a ball which can thread into the bar. After looking at all the possibilities I end up taking out my gorgeous real opal belly button ring and threading that opal ball onto the bar I’ve been using.

And then I'm laying on the bed legs askew trying to put this thing in from the bottom so I can have the opal on top because its not smooth and I don't want to scratch my labia with my bling. I've never seen my guy look so confused at my goods, I finally get the bar in and its time to screw on the little ball but i cant see it and hold it and screw it (haha screwing my own pussy, sorry I had too) so now he is holding the bar and ball and moving carefully around my hood and I'm preying he doesn't hurt me or rip it out. He's got big hands. He did great, no pain and it feels like the ball is on tight.

Now I need to plan a trip to the piercing place for a more permanent solution.

And if you happen to see a little silver ball, Its mine. And I probably don’t want it back. I must admit my pussy looks good with opal.

Legs.... and Ink - HNT

2009-11-19T05:08:00.002-08:00

A week goes fast. Month's go fast. I need to get better at this updating thing. So many things to say but I never can seem to get it quite right any more.

So these are my legs on which you can see my newest ink. Which a bit blurry, three guesses as to what I have permanently etched on my skin?

Sneeze and a HNT

2009-11-12T09:19:00.005-08:00

Man, its dusty around here. I have two new tattoo's and a scar from a nasty burn. I got in a fight with a kitchen appliance. It won. I survived.

My love life had a bit of a dry spell, and then I met a man who changed that. and more.

Stories about him, me, and more to follow.

Happy Half Naked Thursday.

Self Defense

2009-03-27T00:49:00.001-07:00

I wield my fingernails as lovely weapons. I carve artwork into my lovers skin. I use my hands, my fingers, my nails to walk that fine line between pain and pleasure, tickling and caressing. A word to the wise If we are wrestling it is in your best interest to pin my arms fast because I am armed and not afraid to use them. It will not matter if you are stronger if my hands are free I am quick and devious and ruthless, and driven to win.

Touch me

2009-03-26T09:33:00.000-07:00

I am a sensation junky.

I love hot and cold, smooth and rough, pleasure and pain.

I love the highs and I hate the lows, but I am passionate about the difference.

I can’t have one without the other.

I get tired of stillness, I get tired of motion.

I need variety.

I need sensation.

The good and The bad.

I need to know I am alive and that my blood still pumps tirelessly through my veins.

Sometimes I wish I could see it moving. To know that even my insides are never at rest.

Naked

2009-03-25T21:19:00.003-07:00

I like mind games. I like when I’m naked and you are not. I like how it makes me feel vulnerable and sensitive and bare and a little embarrassed. I like that you think you are in charge when this happens, when you tell me to strip for you. When you place us on this uneven playing field. but I know when I’m naked in front of you, that you want me. I know this game we play teases us both. I like that when I’m naked and your not, my energy is fueling the sexually charged air. I like the distinct visibility of that power exchange. I like the anticipation of your clothes coming off, your skin against mine. The feel of your cock settling against me for that first moment that delicious anticipation.

Surprises

2009-01-25T22:59:00.001-08:00

I recently had the experience of having the bottom of my feet flogged while they were tied to the bed post. Since I was on my tummy and my hands were cuffed to the headboard. I didn’t anticipate this turn of events. I didn’t even consider it as a possibility in my high endorphinated state because well, I’m incredibly ticklish and not in a fun way. I have a very low tickle tolerance. So I have a pretty firm agreement with my lover that the feet are off limits.

So suddenly bam my feet are on the receiving end of the flogger and in my head all I can think is AHHHHHH! FEET! Poor defenseless Feet! And then I realized it felt not bad. It didn’t tickle. It didn’t sting. It felt like a deep tissue massage. Strange and disconcerting but also thud-y and nice.

You learn something new everyday.

What do you make of it?

2009-01-22T22:52:00.000-08:00

Life is what you make of it.
Right?
What about Sex?
Is Sex what you make of it?
And orgasms….
Are orgasms what you make of it?
For instance if I decided I wanted to have an earth shattering one right now?
Lets lest this theory…..
Hmm…. Mmmmm…….

Good morning

2008-10-05T09:39:00.001-07:00

I love waking up and entangling my body with another’s. Finding there heat in my bed by my side. Waking them with soft touches and kisses. Slow half awake adoration of each other. Before the bothers of the day come rushing in to break the moment. The peace. I miss that on mornings like this. The sex following is a nice treat as well.

Sleep...

2008-10-02T21:15:00.001-07:00

I sleep on black Egyptian cotton sheets and they feel decadent against my naked skin. Tonight I’ll be sleeping alone. But in my dreams and in my heart I’m not alone.

Getting Lost

2008-10-01T20:02:00.000-07:00

I love to kiss that sweet spot on the curve of your shoulder, that makes you shiver sweet wanting shivers.

I love to make you feel, how you make me feel. A whirlwind of sensation threatening to make you lose your composure. I want to make you lose yourself in me, like I get lost in you.

Let’s go get lost together.

At a distance

2008-09-30T20:24:00.001-07:00

Its so easy to desire from a distance.
I want to desire you
Upclose and personal
In your space
In my space
In our space.
Just for tonight.
Tomorrow,
We can go back to
Pretending.
To being
Just friends.

Pretty big layer of dust around here...

2008-09-29T22:15:00.002-07:00

This place fits like that old forgotten sweater, you pull out of the closet and put on again after a season, or seasons hanging alone in the closet and then you find a 20 in the pocket and remember why you loved it.

In my absence my life has grown and imploded and changed, and I’m happy. Really Really happy for the most part.

Things are looking up in the secret life of Elle.

Which has been pretty secret as of late.

I’m not real talented at the whole relationship game. And I say game because really that’s what it starts out as I have a lot of misses. Sometimes we hit it off and latter we miss. But I’m pretty happy living the single life right now.

I’ve got a new job, which pays me more, uses my skills and is in a field I’ve always been interested in. It’s fun, I’m currently one of those people who love their job. And that’s a nice thing to have. Even if waking up on Monday morning is rough.

For all of you who have stopped by in my absence, Thank you! Come again, I’m going to do better at this whole writing thing. The pictures may come again as well but it’s a little early to say.

So here’s a raising of the glass to new beginnings or do-over's, today is the beginning of the rest of the rest of our lives, or so they say.

p.s. I just went to blogger.com to sign in and I was still signed in, how weird is that?

Anyone want to cuddle?

2008-04-14T22:38:00.001-07:00

I’m exhausted, and can’t think of anything to write about. If I could have anything in the world right now, it would be a margarita and a sweetie to cuddle with while we watched a movie and relaxed.

It’s the little things that matter, really.

Any one want to suggest a topic?

I could use some inspiration.

I like texture

2008-04-12T09:50:00.002-07:00

I want to feel your calloused hands rubbing against the undersides of my breasts.
I want to feel your teeth slowly digging into my flesh.
I want to feel your nails creating artwork on my skin.
I want to feel you hard and throbbing and trapped between us.

The boyfriend

2008-04-11T22:45:00.000-07:00

I have a boyfriend who is happy to fuck whenever I want to. And sometimes when I don’t, he’s quite the horny boy. And while the quantity of the sex is nice, the quality is so-so, the chemistry is well, near non existent. But hope springs eternal.

He’s a little clingy for my tastes. I want him to have his own friends and life and social awareness. But he doesn’t If he’s not out with me he’s sitting at home, on his couch, which is annoying as hell to me. He even works from home most the time. He seriously never gets out unless I’m the initiator.

And I don’t want a super model, but all this couch sitting isn’t helping his figure at all. He also has a daughter, I’ve never met her she lives with her mom across the country.

But he makes me laugh. And he’s happy to just hold me when I’m tired and want to sleep. He goes along with my crazy tangents. And is just as picky about what he eats as I am. We’re really comfortable around each other. He kicks my ass at guitar hero, but still cheers me on as try to get perfects on easy. Currently I have 5 stars on all the easy songs, and 9 perfects.

He’s started talking about how one day we could live together. I’ve started thinking more about kissing the ladies. People ask me sometimes why were together, the best I’ve got is that opposites attract, but I’ve started wondering why were together, and usually that’s the beginning of the end. But I would like for us to last longer, not forever, but I’m happy. He’s happy. Why complicate things?

After work....

2008-04-10T22:50:00.002-07:00

I just got off work, and walked home. Checked my mail, came up the elevator, unlocked my door. Its pretty heavy and shuts itself, so I don’t bother closing it myself. I kick off first my left shoe and then my right, not bothering to unlace them because seriously my toes need freedom now. I walk through my kitchen into the living room and sit down my purse and myself. I unbutton my coat and shrug it off my shoulders. Pull of my socks first the blue one then the green one, I never take the time to match them.. then I wiggle my toes and blissfully sigh.

Up again I walk over to my computer turn it on and unbutton my pants, a little wiggle of the hips and Im kicking them off. I walk towards the kitchen and pull my shirt off over my head. My bra and panties don’t match. leopard print, and black and white stripes. I open the freezer and pull out my favorite flavor of ice cream, scoop a reasonably generous amount into a glass goblet and grab a spoon, wait no I forgot the spoon and had to go back for it. Anyways it all brings us to the here and now. Me in my bra and panties enjoying ice cream. Hope you all have had a lovely night.

Love...

2008-04-09T12:57:00.001-07:00

I want to fall in love. Head over heels no emotion spared love. I want my lover to be taller than me. And stronger than me, I want to feel protected in his arms. Not like I’m going to break him. I want his eyes to see into my soul , and know all my dirty little secrets, and love me anyways. Love me in spite of them and because of them.

I don’t think I’ve ever really been in love. I’ve said it and I’ve felt shadows of love, or friendly love, brotherly love. But never that soul mate love. Never that, I can’t imagine living without you kind of love. I’ve had crushes but never acted on them. I hold myself back. Don’t let myself fall. I enjoy it, but its not apart of me, if that makes any sense.

I worry I may be destined to never have it. And I can live with that. I do every day. But it saddens me.

Random....

2008-04-08T22:32:00.001-07:00

Random thought of the day: I’ve never wanted to be a boy. I like my boobies and my pussy, and I think having a penis all the time could be a little, erm, awkward.

Random fact of the day: At my new job it wouldn’t be unheard of for me to see my co-workers in there undies, how cool is that? Some of them are quite fine on the eyes.

Random... something or other: Id give my first born for a foot massage right now. a firm one because gentle ones tickle and that is not relaxing. 8 hours of standing and my tootsies hurt!

One Day....

2008-04-07T12:21:00.003-07:00

I want to sleep with a Rockstar, just to say I did.

I realize the sex would most likely be bad, the first time is always a bit awkward I find. And then you have the rockstar who probably has woman throwing themselves at him all the time, so hes used to having to put in little to no effort in the loving game. Mmm bad rockstar sex.

To me, in my head, It would be crossing another thing of my list of things to do before I die. It would be proof that I lived in the moment, that I lead a crazy and fun life.

But really the rockstar sex is just a means to an end. What I really want is to casually let it slip out at opportune moments after the fact.

Once in a bar in a tiny town I drank with a famous rock band. They had played a show nearby, (which I was totally at). After the show me and my friends went off the beaten track to a drinking hole only the locals knew about and there we found the band. It was a fun night, filled with drunken laughs and insights. there were maybe 20 people there all night. And the Drummer kissed me on the cheek.

Sleeping Naked

2008-04-06T21:23:00.003-07:00

I sleep naked when I’m alone. When company sleeps over I sleep in pj’s regardless of whether were lovers or not. It all has to do with feeling vulnerable. I’m vulnerable enough in my sleep without being naked. Oddly enough I like sleeping alone (and naked), and sleep better that way.

OMG! Shes alive!

2008-02-20T06:53:00.000-08:00

It’s not always so easy to write here. The reasons change, to busy, nothing to write about, no will to write about the boyfriend or sex I’m having. Or sometimes I don’t write because some of the comment’s can be harsh. But hey to each their own, everyone is welcome here. Except maybe my mom, I do believe she would flip if she found this.

I work a lot. I’m actually interviewing for a night job today. So juggling boyfriends, jobs and sleep, leave this blog out of the loop. Sorry. And so you want to ask if juicy details grace these pages again?

Only time will tell.

And right now time is telling me I need to catch a bus to work.

Smooch!

2008-01-28T21:53:00.000-08:00

Goodness, I go quite for a few days and people think I’ve disappeared. I’m still here working, dating, drinking, living. Not the greatest life ever but still a pretty good one. Moving on.

I’ve heard people say all they need is a first kiss to know if they can have a relationship with the person. Now my impression on first kisses is that the second one is always a little better. The first can be awkward. Lips fitting together funky, noses bumping finding that perfect angle. So for me you get the awkwardness out of the way and get to the fun part with the second kiss.

For me a first kiss doesn’t let me know how good of a match we are. It does however let me know if it’s a possibility. While you can recover from a bad first kiss. If you don’t feel chemistry in it, you probably won’t in the next either, and I like chemistry in my kisses.

A Long Murky Mess

2008-01-20T11:06:00.000-08:00

I think this post might make me look like a bitch, but hey it’s honest. I have had a boyfriend for awhile. Since some of you expressed knowing more about my thoughts and feelings on this boyfriend subject I decided to give you an overview of the relationship. I met him through a woman, well met him with a woman. There were some issues with our first meeting that get murky, more on that later. We got along well and he was very into me from the beginning. He was sincere and super nice and treated me wonderfully. The thing is I just never started feeling very into him. Partially that is do to the distance I like to keep in relationships, having a broken heart is not on my to do list, so actually putting it on the line is not something I will easily do. Our relationship was sexual, it was actually an issue in our relationship because I never had an orgasm with him. And this drove him a little crazy and his pressure on me to cum, made the likelihood of it happening go way down. The sex was pretty good, but I didn’t really feel like our body’s fit together well. It didn’t take long for me to feel like I was keeping the relationship going because I didn’t want to hurt him. I wasn’t really into the relationship, and I wasn’t really into our sex. And I found my list of things I would rather do than be with him growing. I debated this with a friend of mine from home and she was like you cant help who you like. It doesn’t make you a bitch. I feel like a bitch, he has always been very nice. but I just felt like something was missing and then I left town and got sick and we went weeks without seeing each other. He asked to come over this last week, and I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea. That I didn’t think this was going anywhere and basically find someone else who would make him happy. He seems to think I’m the thing he wants still and I don’t really have a great reason not to. There’s a lot of extra drama to, I actually didn’t meet him online I met him through a woman I had originally met online. A woman who was apparently single, and then has been living with this guy for a long time, they’ve had a relationship. Are having a relationship? I’m not clear on the terms mostly because I don’t want to know. I have enough issues without bringing that into it. I’ve never done anything with the woman I only met her once the same day I first met him. I’m a pretty understanding person, I’m happy to go with the flow, and see what happens. It was fun for awhile, but now its starting to feel like something is up, and I know on my end, something is missing. So I ended it. He wants to get back together. We didn’t talk for a few days after I initiated the break up but then he called me up yesterday. I have a hard time saying no, and I really don’t want to hurt him. But I know this thing we have going is not destined for glory.

The thing is, I've never had a relationship end well. They always end is some murky mess. Which I usually have to initiate. I don’t look at it in terms of faults because I know that in a relationship both people do things that should be handled better and no one is perfect at it.

Photo Processing

2008-01-19T11:25:00.000-08:00

I have a lot more to say on the previous issues we've discussed, and the comments have been awesome, I never have had so many and I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to leave them. Apparently I unknowingly have hit upon a topic everyone has an opinion about. And I like discussions so more will be said on it later.

Another thing to mention though, is that while this blog started out being about photo’s its not as focused on that any more. The holiday season added a few lbs, and having moved to a cold wet place I've lost my tan. I’ve also got a job I work 40+ hours a week at, and it takes me about 40 minutes to get to and from my place of employment each way. Then I got and lost a boyfriend. I try not to talk about my current lovers on here because well it just feels weird.

Another reason there haven’t been many photo’s is that they take time, especially when you do it all yourself. Most of the time when I take them I get an idea in my head, and then I have to figure out where I want to stage it. Then I have to clean that area because clutter looks bad in sexy photo’s. Then I have to figure out where to put the camera to get an angle that I think would do the shot justice. I use a snap and shoot camera so this usually involves stacking and balancing things to get the camera at just the right level. Then I set the 10 second timer push the button and dash into a somewhat appealing pose. I repeat this about 5 times changing up the pose and then go and view the pictures. Making notes in my head of things to fix in the next round, like need to get more light on one side, or need to arch my back less because it makes the skin roll. Also trying to remember to suck it and smile and hide my face. Sometimes things just look awkward, I usually take from 25-50 photos of each general idea, like recently I took some photo’s with the rope, another set was with the glass toy. Then I load them on the computer and usually end up with 5-8 that are passable then I go in and crop and adjust lighting and resize the photos. Then one maybe two with find its way onto this blog. It’s a lot of time and work and I don’t have the resources I would need to really make it happen often. But hey if you particularly like one of the idea’s I come up with let me know and I might throw a few more from that set up.

Is all about feeling Good

2008-01-16T06:46:00.000-08:00

Wow. I never thought I would get that kind of response to that last post.

First off, I stand by the fact that I don’t have sex for the orgasms. That’s saying absolutely nothing about you, your partner, the guy on the bus, or Jack and Jill. I like orgasms and if my partner gives them to me, yay! But if he (or she) doesn’t I don’t feel as if something is missing (as long as we have something else going for us). My sexual happiness is not made or broken by my partner’s ability to get me off. One of the reasons is that it takes awhile. I don’t have some hair trigger orgasming ability. And as awesome as I think that little trait would be; If I were blessed with it I might not ever get out of bed again, so it’s probably for the best the way it is. I find pleasure in the little intimate acts as well as the big. I have had entire relationships with people who never got me there. Now whether that was due to a character flaw on their part or mine, or our chemistry just didn’t have enough zing it, that didn’t make them bad. It didn’t make the relationships less fulfilling. It just made the game a little different.

I think I have gotten every guy I have been with off. Mainly because I like giving pleasure, I like making people feel good, I follow their cues on what they like and dislike and formulate our sex, fucking, love making to that. So when I say I don’t have sex for the orgasms, that doesn’t mean I don’t have sex to feel good. It’s just that I don’t have to orgasm to feel good.

I don't think sex is just about feeling good its also about bonding and loving and sharing and growing and giving and taking, but I'm not writing a novel, I'm typing up a little post while the repairman fixes the newest problem in my apartment. Now, I have to go to work.

Answers to a few questions that have popped up recently.

2008-01-14T22:56:00.000-08:00

That last picture (and this one) were taken a month or so ago and I was quite healthy at the time.

The rope in question has found its self wrapped around me, my partners and usually ends up discarded on the floor.

No. I wont tell you where I live.

"What is your sexual wet point?" Yes, I do in fact like being restrained, I also really like kissing. and having the inside of my wrist nibbled on. I once had an orgasm from having my nipples sucked and nibbled. Although generally I don't find that to be a huge turn on because I don't think my breasts are all that so having some one focus on them can be unpleasant. I like pressing as much of my bare skin against the bare skin of my lover as I can (and leeching they're body heat because I never do seem to get warm). I like having my hair pulled. But I hate guys grabbing my hair when i go down on them. I also dislike being on top. I don't find it does much more me, I get cold, and since I'm rather small and short if the guy is large (as in body mass wise not cock wise) proportionally is becomes very hard to balance on my knees. Also I don't like being stared at in the act. I'd prefer to just enjoy the moment rather than worry about if i look fat from this angle. Do me a favor and close your damn eyes.

Also I don't have sex for the orgasms. because if all i really wanted was to cum, I could get myself off with much less time and more finesse than any other person out there. aside form the fact that I know what does it for me, i also have had alot of practice. The fun is in sharing and sweating and learning. Not that I'm opposed to climaxing, but its not the point.

I'm so not a techie....

2008-01-14T20:30:00.000-08:00

So to all you technical blogger people, Is there a way I can put a background picture up without messing everything else up?

I know there used to be programs you could enter the stuff you wanted into and then it would spit out the new template, anyone know of something like that for the new blogger?

Or I would be happy to just make a new photo header. Since I want the photo is the top corner anyways. But I cant figure out how to do that either.

I used to be able to do this stuff since I know a little about coding and have patience. However this whole Blogger XML thing has me irritated.

If you’re a professional, and would have any interest in helping me out, I might be able to provide some sort of incentive, email me to discuss it.

Random Thoguhts

2008-01-13T18:50:00.000-08:00

Since I’m not up to a thought out post, you get random thoughts that have crossed my mind in the past few days of sleep and sickness.

Sometimes I like to struggle to see if I can get away. Not that I actually want to get a way, I just like knowing what my options are. I’m a girl who likes options.

Having something taken away, really just makes me want it that much more.

How funny the saying “cake walk” is, like right now my life isn’t a cake walk, but many years ago it literally was. I even won a cake, if I recall it was chocolate with orange frosting.

And lastly that even in sickness, I still like bullet points.

Under the Weather

2008-01-12T08:01:00.000-08:00

I got ill recently. Not just the sniffles, I ended up in the emergency room. And like most the rest of the population, I hate the ER. And because I let this small manageable sickness (which I have had 9 times and will go away on its own more often than not) continue to grow, It got really bad. See I live paycheck to paycheck so I can’t really afford to take time off. And I hate laying in bed being trapped in my apartment and feeling shitty all the time. So I just kept going to work and feeling nasty. Until I show up at work one day they tell me I look like death warmed over and send me home. Since I live in a city with no car, no family and very few friends, I ended up taking a public bus to the ER to get some medical care. I don’t have any insurance, and have never seen a doctor in this area so I really didn’t have anywhere else to go. And they do charity cases, so I was hoping I could get some money off of the bill. I then got to sit there for almost 5 hours to be seen. It was a nightmare. At which point the doctors told me I should have come much sooner and I may have done some permanent damage to my body. Specifically, my throat and voice. See I had lost my voice completely by this point, my vocal cords only producing whispers and squeaks, I told the doctor it was ok, I never was a good singer anyways. He wasn’t amused. Then they sent me home with enough antibiotics to kill the plague. I got home and pretty much slept the next two days. During which time I had some of the craziest dreams. Now all I really want to do is eat food that requires being chewed.

Glass Toys

2008-01-09T16:13:00.000-08:00

Awhile back I went sex toy shopping. And after much deliberation I bought a glass one. Now I have heard good and bad things about the world of glass dildo’s. Some say they are to smooth or too impersonal some say they are the best thing ever. Some say it’s too heavy and some say it’s just right. Being a little on the pricey side I always was intrigued with the idea but lacked the budget to really explore that avenue. And then I ended up with little extra cash and found something on sale and I became the owner of my very own glass toy. Buying it online I eagerly anticipated its arrival. When It got here it was a bit smaller than I expected, but I’m a rather small girl so I didn’t let this bug me, I generally like my smaller toys better. Because I can enjoy them from the get go and not have to adjust to them so much. The first time I used it, I became a huge believer in all things made of glass, it feels amazing cool or hot and its weighty, and so smooth and hard, and pretty much awesome. Mine has ridges and bumps on it witch are quite pleasurable giving the exquisite smoothness a texture you can feel in all the right places. My only complaints with it are that once I get going there’s no good place to hold on to it and when it’s wet its super slippery. All things considered it has brought be much delight and is one of my favorite toys. If you’re on the fence about it, go ahead and give it a try, you maybe be more than pleasantly surprised.

***

On a side note does anyone want me to link pictures instead of show them so this blog is more work safe?

A Blow Job Conversation

2008-01-08T17:53:00.000-08:00

It was by far the largest cock I had seen in person. It was also the only pierced one I had ever seen with my own two eyes. Since I have never been able to deep throat in the best of times, I wasn’t exactly sure how this was going to work out. Generally I wrap my hand around the base and squeeze and stroke a bit to make the cock size manageable for my mouth. And to prevent so called gentleman from trying to shove it down my throat. But that technique wasn’t going to work, I doubted that I would be able to take enough of him in my mouth to even reach my hand. Deciding I would play it by ear I started licking and swirling my tongue to the best of its somewhat drunken and sleep deprived ability. This was not a blow job for the record books people but he seemed to be making happy noises, and I figured it was the thought that counts. I was really hoping that he would point out the things I did that he really liked so that I would know to do those more and be able to get him off but he seemed content to let me do whatever was my fancy at that moment. While I was down there I found myself more and more intrigued with this piercing. It was hoop just below the crown. I decided I needed more details. Pulling my mouth off the head of his cock with a fun popping sound I ask, “so when did you get this?” flicking it back and forth with my tongue before moving on to other areas to lavish with the attention of my tongue while he answered that it was a few years ago. “Did it hurt” I ask with moving my mouth back to the head of his cock and sucking him inside again. He answered something about it being terrible painful. I imagined it would be, cocks do seem pretty sensitive. Which begs the question “Was it worth it?” He replied that it didn’t really do anything for him it was more for decoration. I hummed a noncommittal sound around him in my mouth to acknowledge I heard him. He shuddered. I figured it was time to stop conversing and made a mental note to self: hum more.

The Numbers Game

2008-01-06T19:42:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think about my number. Now there a very select few people who know what my number exactly is. Actually it’s probably just me who know’s. I always ask myself before I sleep with someone if they are worth a number. Looking back, I always have. Those first few were exciting, the first one when you finally lose your virginity it probably the most exciting and least worth of the hype. That just plain old hurt. There was no pleasure in the entire act of it for me. And then I had sex with him again because well he already had a number and I didn’t want a one night stand. Looking back, he wasn’t worth the number 1 he really wasn’t worth the repeat performances either but what I really wanted was to know what this whole sex thing was about. Numbers two and three were exciting as well, I was an adult, I had a sex life I valued those numbers like badges of honor. Now I find myself being far more picky while I may never speak aloud the real number again. Inside I will know and inside I care. Every time I sleep with someone I risk STD’s and pregnancy even with safety precautions (which I use, generally doubling condoms with birth control) I know that shit happens. Are they worth the number? Are they worth the risk? I assume my number would be considered high by some and low by others. I never wanted to be a girl who slept with only one man, while I’m sure they still exist in my generation, I feel they are becoming fewer and far between. Sometimes after I give a person a number I realize in hindsight that I wasn’t really that attracted to them or didn’t really want to, I continue having sex because well, I already did it so it’s easy to fall into the pattern of continuing even if I know I don’t want to. I have a younger sister who recently went all the way with her boyfriend. This is one value I am trying to impart on her. Be safe, make smart decisions and consider the possible outcomes of your choices. Those are ones you hear all the time, but I also think its important for her to know that just because she makes the decision once, doesn’t mean she has to keep making it. I wish someone had really explained it to me in a way I could understand. The main regrets I have in my sex life come from doing it when I already knew I didn’t want to. I guess it comes down to a gut feeling. You know what you know. And it’s only a numbers game if you let it be.

Happy New Year!

2008-01-05T21:37:00.000-08:00

So I rang in the New Year with a night full of fun and debauchery but that is a tale for another day. Today I have decided to talk about resolutions. I made two New Year’s resolutions this year.

1. 1. Use the gym member ship I pay for my general guidelines I set in place were twice during the week and once on the weekend.

2. 2. Write more here.

So far I haven’t been to the gym once, and haven’t updated one here since the coming of the New Year. Apparently I suck at this resolution thing. Not one to be deterred, I’m writing now because even one post is a huge victory compared to general and utter lack of anything new and exciting in these parts. I even have some new pictures that may find their way onto these pages. Who knows it’s a new year any anything can happen. Change is in the air as well as tonsillitis it turns out. I’m home sick in bed, with half a voice a little fever enraged tonsils and no health insurance. If you had asked me 5 years ago where I would be today at the beginning of 2008 this would not have been my answer. Parts of it would be true. I would have said I want to be living in a big city, which I am. Complete with sirens driving by as I type. I would have said I want to be a college graduate. Which I also am. I would have said I hope to have a job I like making decent money, which is half true. I like my job well enough, but I work for penny’s. I need to look for a new job, but I’m content enough to be dirt poor in at the moment because I detest the process of finding new employment and I currently have great hours and no stress. So it’s worth it short term. Now if I can just get around to working on these resolutions…. Hope this new year finds you healthy and happy.

Peppermint Kisses

2007-12-15T23:05:00.000-08:00

I could feel the music more than hear it, the speakers so close they were creating vibrations in my nerving endings. My body moved in ways it wouldn’t if I were thinking but I was beyond thinking. I felt the music and my body responded, with undulating hips, sensually swaying ribs and arms twisting in rhythmic waves, enticing and engaging with others while I made my way around the dance floor. My hips meeting hips for moments, body’s moving in time and rhythm and space until they broke apart. So many body’s briefly meeting and passing, so many textures, melting with the feel of the music. Women and men and music and all of us in this timeless feeling. I was lost in myself and in the music and in the moment.

Slick thighs meeting slick thighs. and hips and hands entangling in curly hair. She smelled of peppermint. I told her so in whispers against her ear. Breasts nudging each other as we felt the music and each other, perhaps we felt the music in each other. It felt right it felt meant to be I forced my eyes to focus on her and remember, I found her eyes watching mine, tentatively I moved in letting my glossy lips brush against hers, her hands pulled me back to her when I started to move away and I tasted peppermint. And sweetness and her.

A little this... and a little that

2007-12-13T21:11:00.000-08:00

Been a crazy few days, in absence of having the energy to put together a well thought out post, ill give you some random snippets of my day.

This morning as I was standing at my bus stop waiting for my bus at way to early in the morning, I realized I had been naked curled up in my electric blanket a mere 20 minutes before. I have not lost the college skill of rolling out of bed and going, I even looked presentable. I shower at night because blow drying my hair everyday makes it noticeably unhealthy.

I actually got someone fired at work, I was being a little to fondly admired and I was receiving creepy love notes and propositions, and management was informed and within hours he was asked to leave. I feel bad he was a few years younger than myself and I think if someone had just explained what was appropriate and what was not it would have been enough. He was probably harmless but I’m glad I don’t have to worry about leaving my building now.

To the people interested in if I called my man of mystery and invited him over for a evening rendezvous, I did, and then again. And once more.

I also went out on a evening boat cruise, where some interesting things happened, but that is a tale for another day.

Getting in a Holiday mood

2007-12-04T20:43:00.000-08:00

This weekend I set up my shiny new Christmas tree. I love celebrating. and Decorating. and shiny things. I love shiny and sparky things.
...moving on.

This evening I was sitting and thinking wow, the lights look cool reflecting on the wall. and then I was like Hey I bet the would look cool reflecting on me! and thus the picture was born.

Days gone by

2007-12-02T22:12:00.001-08:00

So during my blogging break I acquired a full time job. Made some good friendships with colleagues and some friends in a social scene. I’ve discovered the joys of barhopping (in happy hour of course) and just how hard it can be to walk home 8 blocks in heels drunk. I’m still pretty much a starving college student, minus the college part. I’m thinking of going back to school because I’m in a position I could have entered straight out of high school, and my wages reflect that. But I like the people and the company and the steady income even if I am working for penny’s. I’ve decorated my apartment slowly adding necessities like a couch and a TV and a mixer. I’m still shy a table to eat at and have a folding metal chair as my desk chair, which is a step up from the stepping stool I was using before someone gave me the folding chair. Lol. My life has become mundane. The days seeming to blur together in an mundane haze. Highlights being an adorable haircut, some sex toy shopping, and a Halloween evening that saw burlesque dancers and naked folk singers. Oh and I bought a fish. But the mundane is coming to an end. Variety is the spice of life and I plan to heat things up in here, because its cold out there (snow!).

SNOW!!!

2007-12-01T13:55:00.000-08:00

It is snowing outside of my window right now. I've never actually seen it snow before. It's so pretty and snowy.
Yippie!
Snow!

I'm sore.

2007-12-01T09:37:00.000-08:00

In a good way.

And I have a hickey.

He made the most delicious noise when I gave him a matching one.

And I'm running on 2 hours a sleep. Hes well aware I like 9. lol.

I think I will try and snag an hour or two now.

Happy (maybe snowy?) Saturday.

hopeless cause

2007-11-29T22:44:00.000-08:00

I had planned it, I had prepared myself, my apartment, and everything was in top order. I was nervous but excited; it was going to be my first planned sleepover in a long, long time. There was wine, and candy and music and movies, and plans of things to pass a weekend doing. And then tonight I panicked for silly trivial reasons, of which I could not explain to him, or myself and so I told him it was over don’t come. A lot was going on this weekend and I dashed al hopes. The chances of such opportunity presenting its self a second time are slim. As they say opportunity doesn’t come knocking twice…

As tears formed rivers along my cheeks I wondered why I am doing this. Tomorrow will be a new day. You out look will be better chipper. You will be excited, and wanted.

Except I’m afraid to be touched. What if I can’t feel anything anymore? I couldn’t bear to know that I became, so cold or distant or distraught, that I had lost the ability to feel.

Only now do I realize saddened ignorance is no way to live.

A Quick Note

2007-11-24T20:24:00.000-08:00

Sorry, I haven't forgotten you all again.
I'm just in the middle of a mom invasion, family flew to see me for the holiday and bunking in my studio which leads to not a lot of privacy.

I hope you all have had a nice thanksgiving!

Since people have expressed an interest in what happened in my last absence, I'll fill you in on some of the dirty (or not so dirty) details soon!

Happy Holidays.

Doodles

2007-11-21T03:29:00.000-08:00

As a child my mom shelled out tons of money so I could do art classes. These days any artistic talent i may have honed is wasted upon pages and pages of meaning less doodles.

It's all about the bullet points. Or not.

2007-11-19T17:48:00.000-08:00

Well last night I was chatting with a gentleman friend, who has yet to venture between my sheets, but dear readers that may change very soon. And so we had been chatting back and forth skirting the issues of sex and love and romance and past and histories, dipping out toes in the proverbial getting to know you pond. And them, Bam! Somewhere out of left field this pops up in my IM,

“So if you can tell me some things you enjoy sexually, then It will be easier to ensure you enjoy the experience when we do get together.”

Now the reasoning part of my brain responds well yes, that is very reasonable. Lets make a bullet pointed list.

I like kissing, check.
I like having my hair played with and pulled, check.
I like my breasts and nipples being toyed with, check
…and so on. (The reasoning part of my brain loves lists. And bullet points.)

Then however my emotional side quickly follows with a “What are you thinking???”

Uncheck. Uncheck. Uncheck…

It continues, 'you can’t just say want you like. What if he doesn’t like the same things. What if he thinks your crazy. Or weird or he looses desire to get down and dirty.' And then both sides of my mind tell me in loud clarity, ‘You seriously need to get laid, do not screw this up!’

My fingers finally remember why they're posed over a keyboard.

“Um, I don’t really know how to answer that”

Rumpled Sheets

2007-11-18T09:55:00.000-08:00

I am feeling very wanton these days. I’ve been craving carnal delights. I want to feel hot sweaty skin meeting my own in motion. I want to hear moans and whimpers and gasps. I want my bed covers rumbled from something other than my agitated sleep. I want soul searching kisses where you lose yourself so much all that exists is the parts where your body and there body are fused together it lust. And I’d like it now. Thanks.

Normally I manage to keep these needs in check. Unfortunately as of late there has been far to much vibrator and not enough real cock. Not any real cock. For awhile. My head is in a funk about it, my body is having no such qualms, its wants it, and it wants it 10 minutes ago. There’s a point or rather a story I’m building up to with all of this rambling.

I had a wet dream last night, well almost had a wet dream… almost because I didn’t orgasm in my sleep. I shattered into bliss about, ohh… 5 seconds after I woke up because I was so freaking close my hand snaked down my sleepy excited body and a swipe or two of my fingers had me happy, very very happy. Not satisfied, in my sleepy orgasmic bliss im nearly certain I still wanted real cock, but this wasn’t a bad consolation prize. A Lovely way to wake up, I must admit. After the aftershocks had subsided I realized just how wet I was. I could smell myself saturated with, well, myself. My pussy was dripping my thighs slippery and I was defiantly laying in a wet spot of my own doing. At which point I rolled over and started contemplating weather a shower or another orgasm was the next thing on my to-do list.

The weird and slightly disconcerting part, I can’t seem to recall what this dream was about. Not a clue. Not a whisper of a hint. Which is sad, it must have been a top notch fantasy that I feel like I walked in on just before the credits began to roll.

Shadows

2007-11-15T22:02:00.000-08:00

I’m still here lurking in the shadows of my blog. It's weird I went months with no contact of anything blog related and in the last 3 days, I've had 5 people come out of the wood work. I tell them all the same thing. I’ve simply lost the spark that once burned here, but I’m not ready to write it of just yet, once upon a time this place was a haven for me, and those are not so easy to come across, so here I sit. In the shadows of my own life. In the shadows of my own blog, just as uncertain as you are as to where this is all going. Or as to what this all means.

Too Young to Die

2007-09-10T10:28:00.001-07:00

I just found out a friend of mine from high school died. she was driving on the wrong side of the highway far far to fast, and hit a car, the persons who's car she hit died as well. I can't wrap my head around what she was doing, what she was thinking before it happened. there calling it an accident. she wasn't wearing her seat belt.

How do you accidentally like 100 mph on the wrong side of the highway?

She still had her whole life in front of her, she was going places. Now shes not.

How can it all end so suddenly?

Happy Birthday Blog

2007-09-08T23:54:00.000-07:00

1 year.

168 posts.

From 3 countries.

A handful of lovers.

Some joys and some sadness.

Some reality, some fantasy

All brings me to this point.

Have I said all there is to say?

Is there another year of tales to tell?

I’d like to think so…

Crack! Rumble! Boom!

2007-09-03T23:53:00.000-07:00

Happy Labor Day!

I just walked home from work in a thunder and lightening storm, although it really wasn't raining that hard. It was pretty to watch, However after being on my feet for 12 hours... I'm ready to rest them im going to curl up next to my window with a glass of wine and watch the lightning dance in the sky. I love the electricity in the air... Anyone want to join me?

O

2007-08-27T21:18:00.000-07:00

The O face….

Just try and describe it….

Best I’ve got is one part pained face, and one part about to sneeze.

Devour

2007-08-25T22:55:00.000-07:00

"She loved having his cock in her mouth. Sex was sex, but in her mouth he was vulnerable. It was that sense of control that made her wild. Taste, suck, swallow - she engulfed him ..."

Evoking words are they not? They carry with them desire and passion... a ferocity, a give and take. a delicious exchange. They make me want to engulf... To devour, to take in you, and all you have to offer. You think you have the power, but really is about me, my need, my craving. For you.

Taste suck swallow, swirling lips and tongue, sloppy sucky noises. Your musk filling my nose, my pores, my senses. you consuming me, while I consume you. a give a take. a delicate balance. a delectable balance.

and to the delicious creature who uttered these words, I'd like to devour you. And be devoured by you.

smooch!

2007-08-23T21:49:00.000-07:00

mmmm chocolate coated kisses...
Anyone want one?

Random tid bits about myself...

2007-08-22T23:34:00.000-07:00

I’ve recently opened up an email and found that a dear friend had listed things they loved about me… It was very sincere and kinda funny. I thought for lack of anything better to write about I would post the highlights… with some extra tidbits of info for your reading pleasure…

“you say "he he" which is adorable - and it's what you said after the first time we came together :)”

it was the endorphins, they make me giggle. I’ve also been known during an earth shattering orgasm to say ‘fuck’ and ‘oh’ a whole bunch… I never realized I did this until a lover pointed it out. A few times. *blushes*. I don’t normally curse much, lol.

“you have used/liked an anal plug and are not ashamed to admit it.”

I like sex. I like trying new things, and I’m down for anything that brings pleasure, because I need all the good, warm, and fuzziess I can get. I own two anal plugs, in case anyone was wondering… I own a small toy collection actually. I recently ordered a glass toy, and am very excited to get it. Ive heard good and bad responses, but it is so pretty, and it was on sale.

“you will post your boobies on the Internet for millions, but don't want to flash the neighbors.”

My apartment has HUGE windows, and I live in a studio so I’m very, very careful about closing the blinds to change or anything, lol. I can see into people’s apartments across the way. Therefore I know they can see into mine. And I now own a pair of binoculars, so I can spy… I haven’t caught anything good yet, but I’ll let you all know if I do….

Learning Lips

2007-08-20T21:32:00.000-07:00

It’s funny when you meet someone and all can think about is kissing them. I want to know what her lips taste like as she takes her first sip of coffee in the morning. I want to know what her tongue feels like sparing with mine. I want to know how she kisses when she’s horny and begging to be touched. I want to know what she kisses like when she has just reached her peak, on the very lips kissing her now.

The catch? She’s asleep in bed with her husband right now… hmmm I wonder how she would kiss right after kissing him….

A Singular Spotlight

2007-08-19T21:55:00.000-07:00

She had showered, making sure her hair would shine, and her skin would glow along with giving is a sweet fresh scent.

She slipped on a favorable leopard print bra and panties, which made her skin seem softer and paler in the stark contrast.

She turned back her black sheets, taking care to fluff the pillows.

She Uncorked a bottle of pink sparkling wine and poured 2 glasses, even though she was alone at the moment.

She walked around the room lighting special arranged candles. While light was deemed unnecessary ambiance was everything in this moment.

And then she sat in the middle of the room with a singular candle as her spot light,

And waited…

In the heat of the night....

2007-08-18T23:03:00.000-07:00

Some one mentioned I hadn't posted a photo in awhile...

It was a hot summer night when this was taken.

Right now it's raining.....

I can smell it, and hear it, and when I look down at the streets they glitter.

I hope to make love in the rain one day...

After glow

2007-08-17T23:58:00.000-07:00

I just had the most amazing long rolling orgasm....

with the encouragement and help of a lovely lady

I'm all glowy now...

Can you tell?

when the glow wears off I may erase this.

but right now, life is good.

very very good.

A Short Story

2007-08-16T23:07:00.000-07:00

A lovely lady friend of mine wrote me the most tantalizing of tales, and I thought you might enjoy it as well,

____

The open bar had paid off well. Floating in a happy haze you fumble for your keys and do you best to bring lock and key together. Opening the door, I strikes you that something is different - but it doesn't alarm. The studio is dark and smells nice - candles? As you close the door behind you, you gain some sense of what if now reality. Your bed is surrounded by (thousands?) a ridiculous array of candles - all shapes and sizes - each giving a warm. inviting glow. You open your mouth to give voice to your confusion when - movement. You jump back, squealing a bit, a find me approaching you smiling - a glass of wine in each hand.

"Am?" you gasp. I'm wearing a robe - your robe. "Hi gorgeous, how was work?" I smile. You drop your purse and take the glass I offer you. "Wha? How?" you stammer. "Shhhh" I whisper. "Go get out of your clothes and put this on." Placing my glass down, I take off your robe - revealing only my nakedness beneath. Still shocked and wide eyed, you take the robe and head to the bathroom.

When you return, I am sitting on the edge of the bed waiting. I stand to great you - our eyes level with each other. I lean in and give you a soft and tender kiss between each word. "Lose ...(kiss) ... the ...(kiss) ... robe ......." Your eyes locked in mine, you let the robe fall. I bring your close to me, our bodies touching skin on skin. Our lips connect again, tongues beginning to dance. I direct our passion onto the bed. Hands skim across naked places ... necks, shoulders, backs, breasts, thighs, asses, puss ....you jump as my fingers graze your hidden lips ..... "No sweetie, tonight isn't about that - as much as I'd like it to be" I grin, nibbling on your bottom lip, "Lie down on your stomach." A fire burning between your legs, you oblige.

I climb on top of you and reach for the night table. Your eyes widen in curiosity. I grab a bottle of lotion next to the plug and liberally douse your back with cold salve. "Ahhhh!" you giggle, trying to escape. Firmly planted on your ass, I won't let you. Pushing your gorgeous hair aside, I begin to rub the day away from your body. Shoulders, arms, back ... deep kneading and pushing. You begin to moan slightly. Sliding down to sit between your legs, I attend to each calf, each thigh, each foot. You float on a wave of relaxation as I contemplate the beauty of your ass. Each cheek gets attended to - squeezed and kneaded. I rise to my knees as I work, stopping finally to pull your backside open before me - your rosebud exposed. Quickly I dart in and dance across the ridges with my tongue - then pull away. You moan out loud as I connect, but it is short lived. I notice your pussy getting wet. I smile.

Rolling you over, I sit on your hips and grab the lotion. Your hands lunge for my breasts - no, no, no ....this is about you tonight. You smile and submit. I dollop a liberal amount of lotion between your breasts and return to work. Arms tended to, I slide onto your beautiful breasts. Each mound slips between my fingers - rising gently as I pull on each soft, pink nipple. You make no effort to stifle your moaning now - you shouldn't. I know you feel good. Moving down your stomach I again crawl between your legs - attending to each gorgeous leg in time. And there it sits. Your eyes open slightly as you realize the same. I contemplate the beautiful folds of your pussy - the lips parting gently now. placing a drop of lotion on my index finger, Ii wink at you and drag it across your swollen clit. Instantly your legs rise and open - a heavy breath escaping you. Returning to my knees, I lean in - my mouth inches from your wetness - and look to you. Your eyes - wide with anticipation - lock on mine. I extend my tongue .... lower, and again tickle your ass. Puling your legs up you wait for completion - but not tonight. I slowly lick a trail between your legs, from you ass, dipping into your honey, wriggling between your lips, and over you clit. You are breathing very heavy now ..... and I rise.

"Wha...wha?" you protest. I lie next to you and pull your mouth to mine - searching for your tongue and finding it. "Sweetie" I whisper pulling back, "I have to leave early, so I won't be here when you wake up. (kiss....kiss) We need to get some sleep ...(kiss ... kiss) We'll do this again - and more - soon, I promise." You attack my mouth with yours and we hold each other tight. Breaking lose after ... who knows how long ..... we lie entwined, skin on skin. Candles burning low, we drift off together to dreamland.......................

New beginings

2007-08-14T22:12:00.000-07:00

Well I got a temp job for a few days at a conference, and it has been the coolest experience, not only have they paid my meals of lunch and dinner for the last two days (and extravagant food as well, I get to eat what there catering the guests). they also give me passes to there night events at which there are open bars. and when I actually am working the people are great and the jobs are easy. so i finally have made my first few friends here, and am even trying to finagle my way into an interview for a more permanent position with in there company. We'll see how it goes, and now, I have an open bar to attend. Got to drink, while the drinking'd good, and free.

Summer daze

2007-08-12T22:34:00.000-07:00

I love summer, its my favorite season,
for one the weather is awesome and warm
which leads to my favorite second part of summer
The abundance of yummy skin available for viewing pleasure,
Where are my eyes drawn in this voyeuristic past time?
the nape of the neck, generally hidden by hair makes a delightful appearance.
that delicious strip of torso that peaks out from bottoms and tops,
I also love tan skin, and the heavenly look sun free skin takes on in comparison.
I like looking at strong shoulders and watching the muscles move just out of reach.
I really just love watching people, but in the summer, it just becomes that much more sensual
.
So take a minute and enjoy the view.... summers days are waning, and it will be a year until tank tops and flip flops take over the city streets again.

What is Real?

2007-08-11T21:20:00.000-07:00

The internet has created a new reality in terms of connecting with people. I myself have two friends who met there husbands in this great expanse. people who would have never crossed pathes now have united lives. thanks to the internet.

It brings across an interesting quandary though. How do you miss some one you've never had? How to you long to to kiss and touch and comfort a human being who you have never actually so much as really laid eyes upon and in all likelihood never will? Are these feelings then, less real than people you do see in everyday life?

I've met many cool people through the internet, some of those people transfered over into my physical daily life, others have not. Some of the transitions were smooth, some were... not. and while meeting them in the flesh added to my understanding, and depth of knowledge about them, it in no way made them, 'less real' before.

Emotionally my internet friends can become very real to me. I will think about them, and miss there charm and wit, I will wonder there opinions upon matters, and simply what they are up to in there daily lives.

Interestingly enough do to my recent move, I wonder these same things about my physical friends because there all 1000 some odd miles away at the moment.

so what is real? can you really miss some one you've never met?

you can take it farther, is cyber sex, really sex? is phone sex, really sex? is oral sex, really sex?

is sex about the physical action, or the emotional connection? Can you have one with out the other?

I would say, I can fall for people I've never laid eyes upon because emotionally I will have attached myself to them, or my perception of them, and for me those emotions are very real, even if what they are about, is not 'real' to me.

I'm not sure if this post makes any sense at all... but thats ok, its my blog and I get it, lol. so to close, I will pose this murky question to you, What is real?

Wine blogging

2007-08-10T23:10:00.000-07:00

I've drunken 1/2 a bottle of wine this evening. It was very tasty. I have a picture to post (not of me, but very sexy all the same) but its on my desk top, and I'm naked in bed on a laptop. And to cease this drunken blogging before it gets out of control, I will say good night. I'll Add the the yummy photo tomorrow. sweet dreams.

virtual reality

2007-08-09T23:16:00.000-07:00

I don't do the cyber loving very often (I think I'm bad at it).

but recently I've been doing my fair share...

and while its not a replacement for a real good bump and grind, its beginning to grow on me.

I had a yummy evening.

How was yours?

Lusting

2007-08-08T21:01:00.000-07:00

Lusting

Sweet stolen moments

Heart Racing

Breath Catching

All consuming desire

A can’t spend another moment apart desire.

The right here, right now up against the wall desire.

To feel you.

To connect with you.

To fuck you.

Right here….

Right now…

Up against the wall.

---------

This is dedicated to Am, I hope you like it.

Blue Day

2007-08-07T21:04:00.000-07:00

I miss having a lover.

And friends.

And a Job.

A lot.

A Happy Memory

2007-08-06T19:23:00.000-07:00

I fall back onto the bed, heart still racing, body covered in a light sheen of sweat. My chest rising and falling with each ragged breathe.

“Wow…” I sigh eyes closed to the devious red head lingering at the foot of the bed.

I felt her hair brush against my upper thighs and thought again about how this is one of the truly wondrous feelings in the world.

“Hey you, whacha doing?” I stage whisper to my own amusement.

In response I feel her breath caressing my right hip. and then her tongue tracing little circles.

“Your tattoo really suits you” she says breaking contact.

“That’s good, it’s kind of there forever” I laugh.

I here a chuckle fall from her lips, you know that chuckle. The one that just means troubles coming? Then I feel her lips upon my inked skin again kissing and tasting my flesh, slowly increasing the pressure, and sucking my skin ever so slightly between her lips.

I lean up on my elbows to get a better look at what she’s doing “Are you giving me a hickey?”

Laughter rumbles from her chest making her breasts sway slightly as she sucks harder at my tattooed skin and taunts me with her eyes.

“Awesome” I exclaim in a playfully exasperated tone as I let myself fall back onto the bed.

She eventually breaks contact laughing, “I want to see what a tattooed hickey looks like” her happiness filling the room,

“Well I guess you’ll have to come back tomorrow then wont you?”

“I guess I’ll have too now” she mocks me as she leans in for a kiss.

Settling Down in my New Digs.

2007-08-05T13:18:00.000-07:00

I’ve moved. Not with in the internet world, but within the physical one. I road tripped it about 1000 some odd miles. In an SUV you couldn’t have fit another penny in if you tried, I know that because I did try *smiles* And Just got my internet hooked up and no TV because I am poor starving non-college student. I live in a studio all to myself, so I have moved on from nasty, dirty housemates. I’m living on the 5^th floor and I have a skylight. Which is cool in a the sunlight wakes me up at 5am every day kind of way (so not that cool really.) but I’m going to get curtains to put at the end of my bed, because I have a nook for my bed that’s walled on three sides so that should solve that problem. My days are filled with pounding the pavement trying to convince employers that they want to hire me, so far no ones gone for it, but I’m waiting… somewhat patiently. My last night before I left I went to a concert of a band that rocks my socks off, and then I went out after and some of the band was in the bar and I did shots with them, and a bit more but that’s a story for another day. The Bourne Ultimatum is out and I’m stoked so I’m flying solo to the movies. (kind of solo, my friends from home are seeing it at the same time, so we can have a gossip fest when its over via cell phones… ) is that pathetic?

Ohh well I’m off! Hope all is well with you all!

back from the abyss

2007-06-19T09:42:00.000-07:00

20 some odd years ago, at this very moment I took my first breath. Well not really I was 2 months premature and had undeveloped lungs so it was a few weeks before I could breathe on my own but you get the point. I know my life has been super secret recently and that’s mainly because its been in a tailspin. I moved to a new town, or back to an old one. Got a new job, graduated university, and had a grew planned a variety of other crazy things. Had very little play time, but a few good parties, a few long good byes, I have a variety of friends coming to my graduation/birthday party, this weekend, and am attending a few parties not in my honor, and working 40 hours a week. I wake up at 6 am, a time I have actively avoided since High school, and I’m in the process of figuring out where I want to go and what I want to do with my life. I’m happy and sad and it all feels a little surreal, and a little anti climatic. This is what I spent the last 17 years of school working for? I am the first to graduate out of my high school friends, ones on the 5 year plan, and 2 have dropped out. One is married one is pregnant. Our lives have come so far in such a short time. 95% of my biological family has promoted me to black sheep. Not acknowledging my accomplishing a degree, or my birthday. I’m the first person to graduate in either side. I destroyed another cell phone, and lost all the numbers. I got a phone stalker who calls from an unidentifiable number and hangs up when I say hello. I’m just surviving in a hectic life but things are starting to settle so I’m starting to write again… so that’s the short version of what’s been going on with me, for those of you who have hung around, thanks.

continuing on

2007-05-29T22:40:00.000-07:00

My days are all blending together in a rather dreary way.

However I met a guy yesterday, he was new in town, on his first full day here, and in an internet café. I flirted unabashedly because anything is better that the term paper I should have been writing. An hour passed not only was he cute, but funny. And smart, finished up his degree already and is looking to enter this thing called the ‘real world’. I gave him my phone number and he called me right there to make sure I had his. He didn’t even laugh when I asked what his name was again. And he told me he remembered my name because it was in one of his favorite songs, a song which I’ve talked about here before.
He had one ear pierced. I like that, I love to run my tongue around them eliciting shivers from my lovers. I invited him to join me and my friends on our Wednesday night out, well usually we all just drink beer or something stronger, and eat, smoke, and watch ‘Lost’. And no I don’t smoke cigarettes. Since the season is over were planning to move onto grander activities, including seeing Pirates. He said he would love to come. I’m not sure if that makes it a date. I’m certain that my life works in such a way that since I’m 16 days from leaving this tired run down town, prospects are coming out of the woodworks. go figure.

I’m not sure what all this means. I’m not sure I’ll call him. I’m just not sure about much these days.

2007-05-27T22:21:00.000-07:00

I feel like I’m losing touch with myself, and in doing that this blog is suffering. I have every intention of continuing with it, I just need to deal with something’s before anything particularly tantalizing comes from these finger tips. Sorry.

recent ramblings

2007-05-24T00:34:00.000-07:00

Sorrow
She thinks, As she
cries the tears away
one day
maybe others will see
me as I am within

to all my fellow Lost fans, that’s right Sayid broke someone’s neck with his ankles. Wow that episode was too much to handle. Lost is always over the top that’s why I watch it.

The soundtrack to my day today was 'Just one of those days' by Limp Bizkit. Bet you didn't peg me as a fan. I have a few of there albums on my Ipod.

I am very, very sleep deprived at the moment… so Ill leave you with a picture.

A quick update...

2007-05-20T21:51:00.001-07:00

Sorry guys its crunch time, and I’ve had a crazy busy weekend… Everything’s coming to an end and I’m not sure what I want my new beginnings to be, but in the next month I have finals graduation and a birthday and the first step out into the ‘real world’. ugh. I better get some rest so I can take it all head on.

breakfast....

2007-05-18T22:27:00.000-07:00

A weird tid bit you don’t know about me. I wake up hungry. I can eat before my eyes have even adjusted to the new day. I don’t need coffee, or time or a newspaper. Not to say I do I skip breakfast far too often, but its my favorite meal of the day. I love hot breakfasts. Cereal never leaving me feeling content in the morning. Its been months since I some early in my day.

I was living in Australia by myself, which meant I was cooking all of my own food or eating out. It had been months and months since I had a fried egg because they don’t always cook things the way we do here. And I hadn’t cooked any for myself because I break the yoke every single time, and then its ruined for me.

I was lounging in bed, not mine, I was in a house, with a real kitchen and bathroom. After living abroad cramped with kids in my apt, sharing rooms with strangers when traveling and living out a backpack, this slightly run down shoebox of a house was luxury. And the man I was sharing it with wasn’t half bad either.

I kissed his forehead and slipped out of the bed, naked from the night befores activities and tiptoed to the bathroom, “where you going?” A groggy voice trailed after me. “I’m going to take a shower, in a real shower with lots of hot water” I whisper back with a grin “want some company?” he asks, “no way” I respond, “I never get to shower in privacy” he laughs shaking his head “you only use me for my bathroom”

While I was enjoying having the bathroom and hot water all to my self, I got lonely and finally emerged in a puff of steam, wrapped in a towel still glistening with water drops that had yet to be absorbed. To my surprise the bed was empty and sounds were coming from the kitchen. I trotted in to find a feast in the making of homemade biscuits and gravey, sausage, and fried eggs. “Whatcha doing?” I ask peering around him and plucking a chunk of sausage from the pan and popping it in my mouth as he belatedly warned me it was hot, as I tried to fan my now burning tongue. He laughed at me “what were you thinking grabbing it from the pan silly? of course its going to be hot!” I smilled laughing at myself, “that it was going to be tasty.” “well was it?” “very good, you’re a magnificent chef, best I’ve ever tasted” I reply with a grin. “ Flattery will get you no where,” he winks before saying, “now get out of here and give me peace so I don’t burn this” as he shoo’s me away.

It was a feast fit for a king, with two perfectly fried eggs and all I had to do was enjoy it. It turned out to be the perfect start to a perfect day, and they were the only fried eggs I ate while over there. Well that’s not true. The Aussies loved to put them on pizza, but that doesn’t count, its just to funky.

A question....

2007-05-17T23:13:00.000-07:00

If you had to pack of your life in one month and start again anywhere you wanted, in this country or out of it, where would you go?

in a funk

2007-05-16T10:16:00.000-07:00

I was going to weave some titillating tale of my sexual exploits of the last weekend, but I cant. Because as much as I try to see the silver lining, the sex left a bad taste in my mouth, figuratively, not literally, thank god. I feel dirty now. In the emotional, not enough showers in the world are going to help, kinda way. It was fun, and he was great, but even in the moment I knew that something within me was off, I couldn’t lose myself in it the way I used to, and that saddened me. It took a bit of the hunger off, but I’m not sure that was worth how I’m feeling now. Actually I am sure it wasn’t.

It’s been along time since I dated some one exclusively. I miss that connection, and its been so long since I felt it, I feel almost as if I don’t deserve it, like I’m not good enough for some one to be into, or perhaps love, one on one. But this is mediated by the fact that while I like exclusive relationships, I always feel like I have to shut off a part of me, if I’m exclusive with a women, I have to shut down the part of me that is into guys, and visa versa. I feel like im drying up, losing my sexual self, and I don’t know what the hell to do about it. But the feelings im having now, I’m so not down for. I know it’s a funk or a phase and in a few hours or days my perspective can do a 180, but in this moment, im hopeless….

Lost and Found

2007-05-14T23:03:00.000-07:00

Its always weird, that first time you see an ex-lover again, after making them an ex. I’ve always been a believer that relationships end for a reason. This particular fling ended because I left the country. He never was my prince charming and I was never the woman of his dreams, but we sure as hell had a lot of fun keeping each other otherwise occupied. I left, he moved on to other pursuits, and life went on until this weekend when we reconnected….

I knew he was in the room before I saw him. I just got this feeling, like a piece of me had been missing and it was finally back, and I turned and saw him. And then promptly saw the little brunette who was arm and arm with him. I smiled and raised my beer in greeting, while I tried to convince myself I was prettier than her. Petty I know, so sue me. Then I tried to figure out why I was feeling competitive with this women, we were never serious. I had come the conclusion that I was just horny and he was great in bed, and I was bitchy because he would be heading home with another, which let my dance card depressingly empty. He separated himself from here and headed over for a chat. We exchanged niceties and innuendo’s, caught up on over a year of events in under 5 minutes. Until he bailed saying he should get back, and I said ok, and he started to head away… then he turned, “Hey Elle, you remember the movie on the hill?”

I grinned, “Vaguely, but the plot still kind of escapes me, why?” I’m from the country a few times a year a group gets together and paints a barn white and projects a movie on it. Anyways we were far more into each other than the movies, but it was always fun to go.

“They’re showing another Saturday, want come with me for old times sake?”

I respond “love to, but I’m not helping you cheat”

“Nothing to cheat on, were just friends, go ahead and ask her if you want.”

I laugh, “Oh yeah, I’m just going to walk up to her, so are you two a thing because I want to fuck him senseless on Saturday?”

He laughed, “Please do, would liven this night up, I’ve missed you” we hugged and parted ways, for a few hours anyways.

chasing a feeling

2007-05-09T22:00:00.000-07:00

Some times when my life is lacking emotion or depth, I seek these things out. I seek out feelings, emotions, highs. Its like I have this check list im my mind, and as I live out my life I have to tick off boxes.

I have these moments with in myself where I think so this is what its like…

… to feel your heart breaking…
… so this is what the rollercoaster of (insert your drug of choice) feels like…
… so this is what hard earned accomplishment feels like…
… what love, or lust or passion is like in the moment…
… so this is what it like to lose it all instantaneously….

Its all about the moments, as I live my life, sometimes I have the forsight to know, what I will look back on as a defining moment or experience. Some times these things can be forced, like white river rafting or skydiving, or drug usage. So times they just happen when your not expecting it, like love, or tummy laughter, or death.

Or in my current case, direction….

So this is what its like to have no idea where I will be living, working, or doing 2 months from now.

This post probably makes no sense, there is so much pressure in my sinus’s I can feel them popping against my cheek bones and it is decidedly unpleasant. I'm heading out of town for the weekend, so updates maybe short and random.

Lips

2007-05-08T23:46:00.000-07:00

Lips have got to be one of the coolest parts of the body. They’re soft and strong. They caress with touches and words. They tease and taunt and tantalize. They’re full of promise, and make promises. Lips help you smile, they invite kissing. Lips allow the ultimate expression.

A little relaxing

2007-05-07T23:59:00.000-07:00

I’m feeling at peace right now… unfortunately I have an inkling that this is merely the calm before the storm, but I’m enjoying it while I can none the less. The sun has finally come out in much anticipated heat wave, today was 85, and it should be hot for the next few days, so I’m planning to dig out some more of my summer clothes, and spend some quality time communing with the beach. I’m taking a little trip next weekend to see my little brother and sister, which I’m excited about. I’ve only seen them once since I returned from the land down under. This trip is slightly dampened for me by the huge party my friends are hosting that should be filled with friends and fun, in a very, ‘sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll’ kinda way. But I can’t postpone my trip, again so I have to pass up a good party night or two. Right now I feel like what ever the future holds I can handle. It’s a nice change from the screaming anxiety I’ve been increasingly plagued with.

general musings

2007-05-05T20:05:00.000-07:00

My hips look huge in this pic, but i like it. I have so many pics I haven't used in a folder that I decided i'd start going through and posting some old fav's you all haven't seen.

I've been having a great weekend filled with tons of fun.

I've so been needing this.

And I'm off to have some more of it.

There will be some interesting tales for you soon,

xxoo.

It's True...

2007-05-03T23:55:00.000-07:00

I probably do need to get laid.

...as commenter's have been hinting at for weeks. While I agree it would probably make me a lot nicer to be around, I cant seem to close the deal these days. and by these days I mean months. I could be a member of the monistary for all the play I'm getting currently.

When I was traveling it was so easy. I met so many people, I went out all the time. The dating game was treating me good. and then I came home, less friends less money less in common with people. part of the problem is I'm really not meeting new people. and the other part of the problem is that I'm up and leaving the city possible the country in about 6 weeks. I don't want to make any new attachments. I'm heading into the letting go stage, and I'm a little freaked out about it.

It's getting pretty lonely... I wish some decent guy would put the moves on me...And I'm craving some serious sexual delights. But theres none to had at the moment. I'm just in a blah stage. I cant even get myself off these days, I lose interest, or get tired, and my vibes don't even entice me anymore. How sad is that?

Ughh

2007-05-02T23:25:00.000-07:00

Today really sucked. really really really sucked. I need to study and yet I've just spent hours curled up in my bed.... I have a mid term tomorrow. I need to be prepared and yet I'm not at all. Me and my house mates had a blow out about my rent, and still im paying more than the 5 of them put together. I hate my life right now, i'm coming completely unhinged. I want to cry but cant find anymore tears.

Light as a feather

2007-05-01T19:58:00.000-07:00

Riddle me this...

What tickles your fancy?

Crushes and Boundaries

2007-04-30T23:30:00.000-07:00

I have a bit of a crush on the owner of a blog I read. I comment occasionally, but I’m there regularly to soak up his words. For some reason his style just touches a cord with me. I don’t make my feelings known, but I try to keep up a friendly vibe in the limited interactions we do have. I consider these actions to be courteous. I'm careful about overstepping unspoken boundaries.

speaking of over stepping boundaries.... I’ve received some interesting, and some inappropriate emails in regards to this blog in the months of its existence, sometimes, I just want to just encourage them to write in there native language, but I’m assuming my intent would be lost in translation. So. I’ll leave you with two sexually toned emails I’ve received recently. One is a good example, ones a bad example.

And I would simply encourage those of you who email blog authors, to think about whether your infringing on there personal space. All you see is a window into their lives, of what the author chooses to show, generally its not a view of their entire self. Most likely your reading about 10% of there likes interests, ect.

Example A: (from ‘Big Bang Dick’

I HOPE YOU READ MY MESSAGE BABY

HELLO BABY
IF YOU ARE REAL...!!
THEN I WANNA FUCK YOU VERY HARD AND DEPEER YOUR BOTH
HOLES...!!
WHEN I FUCK YOU
YOU WILL SCREAM A LOT OF UNDER ME :)
and
YOU WILL WRIGGLE UNDER ME FROM THE PLEASURE..!!
I WILL MAKE CRY YOU FROM THE PLEASURE :)
DO YOU WANT TO MAKE HARD SEX WITH ME ??

(oh did I mention he likes me enough to send this exact email twice?)

And on a friendlier level an excerpt, Example B:

...you stepping out of the shower...
...there...
...wet...
...warm...
...skin full and moist...
...open...
...your clean damp hair cold against my cheek...
...your nose pushing mine...
...your lips soft and opening...
...your mouth warm and wet...
...your tongue probing...
...my hands soft and gentle...
...your body arching and twisting...
...slowly...
...slowly...
...your hands on my cock and balls...
...barely there... swirling and stroking...
...my legs on yours...
...your warm soft robe slipping away...
...our mouths never parting...
...your legs opening wider...
...your warm pussy insisting...
...my cock rising to meet you...
...you swirl me against your clit...
...your body bucking and rising...
...shaking and purring...
...sliding me into you soft and slow...
...I rock in and out...
...you are warm and wet and welcoming...
...it is heaven...
...and I don't want it to end...

Heels 'n Tests

2007-04-29T20:03:00.000-07:00

I've been in a huge blogging mood. it always strikes me the day before a test, as does everything else I could be doing instead of studying. Like doing a new mock photo shoot of myself. So by popular demand.... Me in my lucky jeans and shiny black heels. gotta keep the masses happy. ; )

and now... back to the books, It's midterms of my last quarter of my senior year that means its mere weeks til I enter *dun dun dun* the real world. *shudders* save me! save me!
Alright... Now is not the time to falter, even though all I want right now is a shot of tequila. Study, study, study...
No tequila.
Ok maybe just a sip.
Or two.

Meaningful Moments

2007-04-28T23:59:00.000-07:00

I never was one of the popular kids, I had a group, and I wasn't an out cast, but i was never considered to be, in the in crowd by anyone. This created some emotional turmoil for me when I moved to college... What if I didn't make any friends? What if no one like me? making friend was never an easy thing for me, and this prospect of having to start a fresh had me shaking. But you know its a one foot in front of the other kinda life, so I went for it and along the way i hooked up with a crowd, there were 5 core members myself included all women, and then we had various other characters in our group but really we were the cool friends we were the ones people house everyone congregated out. we were the ones called to see whats up that weekend. I was finally in the in crowd, and it was a crazy feeling I had never expected.
Eventually I moved out for my year abroad, and was replaced, although not really, but they dynamic shifted for a variety of reasons and when I got back, I had to find a new place to live, and this previously tight nit friendship, and grown apart. drastically. and while i still talk with all the other girls I only really hang out with one on a regular basis these days. My next closest how ever is the one who brought me to tears today.
Recently I finagled my way into tickets to a concert, a several hundred dollars crazy long concert with a variety of times and dates, and anyways, I was bought and paid for raring to go. when things came up, so I ended up making the executive decision to sell this precious and highly sought after ticket. and I was a little heart broken. it was more than missing a concert, I was losing precious memories and moments that I knew I could never get back it was an experience I craved (and still do) to have and so it was heart wrenching to kiss that dream goodbye when it was literally in my fingertips.
One of the reasons this particular concert was so important it that a top of the charts artist, turn on the radio and you will hear it band and in particular song were going to be played. and this song is my song. Its about a woman who shares the same name with myself, and every single detail about her is spot on to my life. when I was travel ling and would introduce myself, people would say "oh like so and so's song" and well my song was going to be played at this concert and I would nearly sell my soul to be there. so I passed it by. Now to tie this into my beginning ramblings, one of my ex-roomies, and 2nd closest girl in that group went down there for this. and when the bad was playing the song she called me and said "Hey Elle, this is for you" and held the phone up so i could hear some of it. and it literally brought tears to my eyes. Its a meaningless little thing, a minute long phone call at tops. but to me in that moment it meant the world, she gave me a glimpse of my dream for no other reason than she thought of me, and wanted to share it.

Blondie

2007-04-27T22:23:00.000-07:00

My hair has always been a significant part of my identity. For years I would hide behind it... It was thick and long and luscious and very blonde, and most importantly all people would notice. I could sit on it. I couldn't put it up due to the headaches it would cause. I became an expert at braiding it quickly. I spent a significant amount of money on shampoo and conditioner.

Then a day came a bit into my first year of college, and I decided I wanted to change, I wanted to be a new me. a new and improved me. so I cut it to above my shoulders. I didn't change, I was still me, but people started noticing me. and I never missed it. More importantly I loved it, I liked the freedom. and the weightlessness of it all. I realized how much it had been holding me down and back. so I spent the next two years cutting it shorter and shorter, until my last hair cut where my neck had to be shaved and it but about 2-3 inches long.

that was in December of 2005. currently its about chest length. its the length I always imagined it being. its the length I always wanted, I can do so much with it. and I finally can do the messy bun I was always so jealous of. I've always had too much hair or not enough. so today for the first time ever, I rocked the messy bun like a rockstar. And it was awesome.

sleepy goodness

2007-04-25T23:53:00.000-07:00

Its crazy how fast things are going these days, so much to do and it never seems like there are enough hours…. I’ve been pushing myself a little hard recently, so I’m going to shut it all down and head to bed. Its sad when midnight is an early time to go to bed…. And that’s only giving myself a solid 6 hours…. Mmm need more sleep.

lucky jeans

2007-04-24T23:59:00.000-07:00

Check it out. My jeans say lucky you. well you cant see all the writing, so you'll have to take my word on it. or find me and try to get me out of my pants, lol. It was just a quick snap shot one day, but I rather like it. sometimes the jeans bring me luck but most of the time they're rather ordinary. Secretly, I believe there having a torrid love affair with a particular pair of shiny black high heels they have rendezvous at the foot of my bed.

My best kept beauty secret and all around life saver……

2007-04-24T07:16:00.000-07:00

Tee tree oil.

The stuff is amazing if you don’t have some you should go out and get some immediately. I’m not a trendy, herbal cures kinda girl. But tea tree oil is amazing. It can be used to fight viral, bacterial, or fungal issues. What do I do with it? While you all haven’t gotten a good look at my face, I am die hard about my skin care regimen. I am blemish free about 95% of the time. And when one does pop up? I slather on some tea tree oil with a q-tip and with in a hour the redness will be gone, and with in a day the inflammation will have gone down considerably. Piercing issues? Tea tree oil to the rescue. I recently got this annoying little red bump around the piercing on my nose, and while my bump has yet to disappear its considerable flatter and skin toned again. On bug bites, and bee stings, it makes the pain and itching go away far better than Neosporin (with pain relief).

Ohh but it gets better. It’s heaven on razor burn. For anyone who has ever had the experience of shaving there sensitive bits, and then in the following hours experienced, razor burn or ingrown hairs, this stuff is amazing, but be careful with how you maneuver this. It’s a very potent oil, and it will make you tingle a bit, not unpleasantly, but it’s quite a tingle on freshly shaved skin, so I would dilute the oil, before slathering it around. And I would test it on tougher skin before trying it there, just to make sure you don’t have an adverse reaction to it.

I’ve only ever seen it at heath food, or skin care stores. You can buy purely the oil or a diluted version I get mine at The Body Shop its 15% tea tree oil, (10ml) for about 7 bucks. I like mine being pre-diluted because I can but it on as often as I like with out worrying about drying or irritating my skin.

Now to the only downfall of it. It has a very distinct and not entirely pleasant smell. Since I’ve been using it to clean my nose ring, I’ve had quite a extended exposure to it, and I’m used to it. Its not a horrible smell, just not that great either.

Want more info? google it.

Things that make me feel beautiful, sensual, or sexy….

2007-04-22T17:31:00.000-07:00

My little red dress.
Slipping naked between freshly washed sheets.
Under eye concealor, (makes me look perky and rested even when your not)
My skin in candle light.
A few shots of tequila.
Knee high boots.
Straight hair (I straighten it everyday (almost), it has way to many ideas of its own when I leave it to its own devices)
Jangly bracelets.
A little bit lace.
Lots and lots of glitter. (oh to be in 7^th grade again when I could pull it off)
The first bite of fresh strawberries.

looking around.....

2007-04-21T22:38:00.000-07:00

What do you do when the words stop coming? I’m afraid that since my love life has become a bit stagnant, that this blog will too. I’ve got no new material to write about, and i'm uninterested in my past exploits. I used to love writing here, I would think and plan and be merry, and write a bit of everything. And now it’s almost become a chore, and I feel guilty about it. So guilty at the blandness of my own words, that I’ve stopped reading other peoples so I don’t have to face the harsh reality. I’ve also beat my addiction to my stats counter, I don’t wont to know if people have stopped coming by, so I don’t look, lol. It’s the preschool, I cant see you, you cant see me, mindset. I’m struggling here. Writing here, has made me a better person, and made my life a bit better. I’m not ready for that to be over. I just don’t know where to go from here…..

Happy 420

2007-04-20T23:20:00.000-07:00

Care join in on the festivities?

The Secret Life of Elle

The Preperation

Vampires

We Do it All for the Nookie

Drip Drip Drip

What Works

Misunderstandings

Adventures in Sexting

Pussy Bling

Legs.... and Ink - HNT

*Sneeze* and a HNT

Self Defense

Touch me

Naked

Surprises

What do you make of it?

Good morning

Sleep...

Getting Lost

At a distance

Pretty big layer of dust around here...

Anyone want to cuddle?

I like texture

The boyfriend

After work....

Love...

Random....

One Day....

Sleeping Naked

OMG! Shes alive!

Smooch!

A Long Murky Mess

Photo Processing

Is all about feeling Good

Answers to a few questions that have popped up recently.

I'm so not a techie....

Random Thoguhts

Under the Weather

Glass Toys

A Blow Job Conversation

The Numbers Game

Happy New Year!

Peppermint Kisses

A little this... and a little that

Getting in a Holiday mood

Days gone by

SNOW!!!

I'm sore.

hopeless cause

A Quick Note

Doodles

It's all about the bullet points. Or not.

Rumpled Sheets

Shadows

Too Young to Die

Happy Birthday Blog

Crack! Rumble! Boom!

O

Devour

smooch!

Random tid bits about myself...

Learning Lips

A Singular Spotlight

In the heat of the night....

After glow

A Short Story

New beginings

Summer daze

What is Real?

Wine blogging

virtual reality

Lusting

Blue Day

A Happy Memory

Settling Down in my New Digs.

back from the abyss

continuing on

recent ramblings

A quick update...

breakfast....

Sneeze and a HNT